theUMB – Celebrating Marital Passion and Christian Sex

5 Mandates for Marital Masturbation

While the Bible doesn’t seem to address the topic of masturbation clearly, the very nature of masturbation makes it dangerous territory for a married Christian. [...]
Korean Cucumbers — Rejecting the Unique Beauty in Us All

I have long been frustrated by how marketers are able to foster a cruel, seemingly counterintuitive combination of vanity and self-loathing that sells products. I hate it [...]
Confronting Boundaries — Part 1

I recently wrote about my recognition that some boundaries aren’t as universally absolute as some Christians believe. Murder is wrong across the board, but can the same [...]
On Christian Modesty in Dress

Are Christians supposed to dress modestly? And what does that even mean? Can my wife wear a plunging neckline or a miniskirt for me to enjoy on a date night? What is [...]
Integral Faith – A Foundation of Sand

Years ago, I was fiery evangelical. Today, I'm very much not. Did I backslide? Or did I mature? I've been wrestling with this question a lot lately. [...]

Adult Novelties – Sex Toys in a Christian Marriage

Saturday, May 9, 2026

So you’ve come across this website that claims to be Christian in its message, yet we talk openly about sex toys and even have reviews of some of them. What’s up [...]
5 Mandates for Marital Masturbation
Is Porn Sinful?
“Drink Your Fill.” – Christian Sex Shouldn’t Be Boring
Perverse Submission

My Experience with Hellfire Preachers

Saturday, May 30, 2026

Recently, Clara and I enjoyed a long-overdue vacation. Part of our trip included some classic tourist trappings, and we found ourselves milling about in large crosswalk [...]
Challenging Our Own Bias
My Joseph Journey – The Isolation
Misogyny and Malarkey – Silence
To Drink or Not to Drink

Fake Rape – Rape Roleplay

Sunday, September 15, 2024 // 2 Comments

A Quiet Evening You’re lounging on the couch, sipping on some merlot as you enjoy a quiet moment with a good book. The house is clean, dinner was excellent, and there [...]
Is it a Sin to Be Naked?

Tuesday, July 23, 2024 // 2 Comments

It always stuck with me how Adam and Eve strolled through the Garden of Eden stark naked in the presence of God. They had no shame and therefore nothing to be ashamed of. If [...]

Cookie Monster Kisses

His eyes went wide as I inhaled, pulled him in, and planted kisses and ridiculous growling noises on his cheeks and face. I sounded like the Cookie Monster devouring a triple layer chocolate chip cookie cake. A joyfully squealing cookie cake wearing a diaper. [...]
Exposed Repose – Can Parents Sleep Naked?
A Whale of a Lie – Pregnancy is Beautiful, but She Doesn’t Believe
Mandatory Homeschooling
Have a Ball – Reflecting on the Delight of a Child

Objectify and Wife-ify

Some may consider this to be a form of compromise, of acceptance of sin. After much prayer, reflection, meditation, and study, I can honestly say I don’t believe it is. [...]
When I Tease My Wife
Touch 2.0 – Love Dialects
Making It Happen
My Favorite Trophy [Wife]

Strip Laser Tag

With inexpensive laser guns available in stores and online, grown-ups can have grown-up fun with these kids' toys. Strip down and shoot your spouse! [...]
Roll the Tape
Scrubble [Your Mouth Out] – a Scrabble Sex Game
P-E-R-V-E-R-T – a Basketball Sex Game
Monopolust – a Monopoly Sex Game

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