Archive
Feeling Like a Creepy Old Man
I have a problem. You see, my wife has always been really sexy. Now, this might not sound like a problem to you, but hear me out. Throughout our relationship, I have been [...]
Honey and Thickets – Song of Songs 5:1
Song of Songs 5:1c KJV: I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; NIV: I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; NASB: I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; A fair amount of [...]
Touch 2.0 – Love Dialects
As you grow to consider your natural tendency to speak and understand one language over another, you can start to expand on the basic premise of language and begin to dissect dialects. Sure, she needs me to spend time with her, but what increases the quality? [...]
My Joseph Journey – The Brothers
Prior to my prison sentence, I was a part of a vibrant, healthy, biblical church. Vibrant leaders led our church who were well-trained in theology and focused on integrity [...]
Beautiful Bacon
I'm so thankful for the freedom to eat bacon that comes with this Christianity thing. I won't say that it was the deciding factor when choosing between the big three monotheistic religions, but it certainly didn't hurt the case. [...]
Mother Nature Hates Me
Basically, that. Yeah… I wish there was a way to explain the feeling to somebody that doesn’t deal with it. The best I’ve come up with is that everything on [...]
A New Year, a New Season
The past few months have seen a lot of shifts in the Osgood home. Some good, some bad. It’s caused me to reflect a bit more than normal, and reprioritize some things in [...]
Video Games
There was a time not too long ago when parents first bought video game systems for their families as a whole. Boxes and marketing materials portrayed smiling families [...]
A Daring Truth – the False Start of our First Mobile App
Here at theUMB, we strive for transparency. Sometimes, that takes the form of letting our readers catch a glimpse of our experiences or relaying some facet of our deeply [...]
Pajamas with Feet
When my son was still little, he wore these big, all-covering affairs. It was one huge piece that had long sleeves, long pants, and feet. Yes, pajamas with the feet. I was imagining something similar in my wife's size, with some minor tweaks. [...]
The Sacred Toothbrush
The toothbrush is often iconic in the secular world's relationships: when a boyfriend or girlfriend begins leaving a toothbrush at their partner's place, it indicates a new step in the relationship. A new level of intimacy. My wife and I had something similar, actually, though it wasn't a precursor to us moving in together. [...]
Strong Emotion on Lotion
Most of my life, I have stood firmly — even violently — against lotion. Not on lotion as an idea: "I don't believe in lotion." But rather, I resisted any opportunity for it to make contact with my person. This applied to moisturizer, sunscreen, and even oils or other topical applications that left a residual texture, fragrance, or generally clammy feeling. [...]
A Song about Gnomes
It's been at least a couple years since I last thought of the underpants gnomes who sang this song, and it's easily been several years since I saw the episode. Yet this morning, it popped back into the limelight. [...]
Game Day Jersey
That loving, supportive wife of mine gets in the spirit, wearing a Packers jersey and — assuming the house isn't full of strangers — little else. It's a fun thing to look forward to, even if we miss the game itself. [...]
Waterguns
Nowadays, water guns come in all shapes and sizes, from the cheap handheld ordeals that empty in minutes and break after a couple refills to the heavy duty Super Soakers with sights and incredible ranges. Well, this row of lusty boxes contained something like a Super Soaker on steroids. [...]
Belly Dancing and OCD
I have a thing for bellies, and I make no secret of that. Maybe it's not a full-grown fetish, but it's notably influential. It may come as a surprise, then, that the art of traditional belly dancing doesn't "do it" for me. [...]
A Harmless Post
Many Christians tend to really not like the idea of tackling sexual issues frankly. But let no one say this website lacks something for everyone. Here's a handful of videos everyone can agree on. Who doesn't like cute little dwarf bunnies? [...]