Hormones on Ice
My wife has quirks as much as I do, but sometimes you must dig a little deeper for hers. And hers are often far more interesting and unanticipated. Which means sometimes you [...]
Archive
Sinister & Malignant or Sexy & Mysterious – Part 1
Stigma & Menace S&M, or sadism and masochism, has developed a heavy reputation for creeps with superiority complexes, emotionally challenged women in leather, and a [...]
Perfume at the Table – Song of Songs 1:12
Song of Songs 1:12 KJV: While the king sitteth at his table, / My spikenard sends forth the smell thereof. NIV: While the king was at his table, / My perfume spread its [...]
Adultery with Your Wife
Prior to writing the Latin Vulgate, St. Jerome was so haunted by sexual fantasies of “bands of dancing girls” he was unable to quench his own “fires of [...]
1 Corinthians 6:9 – Fornicators (pornos)
The first word Paul uses in his 1 Corinthians 6:9 list of kingdom-noninheritors is pornos, a word translated as “fornicators” in the NASB and KJV and as the [...]
You Go Girl – The Sexually Confident Wife in the Song
One of the most interesting facets of the Song of Songs runs deeper than its rampant sexuality, stretches further than its rich symbolism, and reaches higher than a man [...]
The Non-Negotiable
When I was younger and really starting to pray about my future wife, someone recommended that I follow the advice of Habakkuk 2:2 and write out my vision of what I wanted in [...]
Beautiful Bacon
I'm so thankful for the freedom to eat bacon that comes with this Christianity thing. I won't say that it was the deciding factor when choosing between the big three monotheistic religions, but it certainly didn't hurt the case. [...]
Mother Nature Hates Me
Basically, that. Yeah… I wish there was a way to explain the feeling to somebody that doesn’t deal with it. The best I’ve come up with is that everything on [...]
A New Year, a New Season
The past few months have seen a lot of shifts in the Osgood home. Some good, some bad. It’s caused me to reflect a bit more than normal, and reprioritize some things in [...]
Video Games
There was a time not too long ago when parents first bought video game systems for their families as a whole. Boxes and marketing materials portrayed smiling families [...]
A Daring Truth – the False Start of our First Mobile App
Here at theUMB, we strive for transparency. Sometimes, that takes the form of letting our readers catch a glimpse of our experiences or relaying some facet of our deeply [...]
Pajamas with Feet
When my son was still little, he wore these big, all-covering affairs. It was one huge piece that had long sleeves, long pants, and feet. Yes, pajamas with the feet. I was imagining something similar in my wife's size, with some minor tweaks. [...]
The Sacred Toothbrush
The toothbrush is often iconic in the secular world's relationships: when a boyfriend or girlfriend begins leaving a toothbrush at their partner's place, it indicates a new step in the relationship. A new level of intimacy. My wife and I had something similar, actually, though it wasn't a precursor to us moving in together. [...]
Strong Emotion on Lotion
Most of my life, I have stood firmly — even violently — against lotion. Not on lotion as an idea: "I don't believe in lotion." But rather, I resisted any opportunity for it to make contact with my person. This applied to moisturizer, sunscreen, and even oils or other topical applications that left a residual texture, fragrance, or generally clammy feeling. [...]
A Song about Gnomes
It's been at least a couple years since I last thought of the underpants gnomes who sang this song, and it's easily been several years since I saw the episode. Yet this morning, it popped back into the limelight. [...]
Game Day Jersey
That loving, supportive wife of mine gets in the spirit, wearing a Packers jersey and — assuming the house isn't full of strangers — little else. It's a fun thing to look forward to, even if we miss the game itself. [...]
Waterguns
Nowadays, water guns come in all shapes and sizes, from the cheap handheld ordeals that empty in minutes and break after a couple refills to the heavy duty Super Soakers with sights and incredible ranges. Well, this row of lusty boxes contained something like a Super Soaker on steroids. [...]