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I love this time of year.

The summer heat here in Texas begins to dissipate, rain storms roll across the skies, and school takes all the brats — I mean, kids — back out of the weekdays. All this, and the insanity that is the end-of-year holiday season is still far enough away that I can have some peace. Fall is beautiful, and for a few days, I get to take the time to —

Walk the plank, ye scallywag!

That’s right, it’s September 19, also known as International Talk Like a Pirate Day! This is one of my favorite holidays each year, even if it’s not really endorsed by those uptight calendar makers.

I’m absolutely terrible at talking in Piratespeak, though I’ve been a devotee of this celebration for over ten years. My wife has a much better gift of gab in the high chant of the high seas, and I happily enjoy hearing her festive contributions.

So when you see “ITLAPD” today, don’t worry; it’s not shorthand for “Information Technology Lap Dance”. No one hired a stripper for the nerds in the subbasement at your office. It’s something much more kosher.

That said, even an unofficial holiday like Talk Like a Pirate Day can be one of our #irreverentholidays.

With Halloween right around the corner, plenty of places will sell you a skimpy pirate costume for the lady of the house. And for bonus points, get a costume for the husband, too. Think about it…

She’s got on an excessively short skirt, and he’s got on an open vest showing off his chest, and the kids are oblivious to the stirring parental energy in the room because you’re constantly requiring them to rephrase all their conversations into Piratespeak (“I popped me eardrum firin’ the cannons, ye landlubber, so speak ye sense if ye be wantin’ ye captain to understand ye.”), which consumes their focus and energy.

Meanwhile, Mom and Dad get to enjoy the visuals under the guise of ridiculous overenthusiasm about a made-up holiday with preposterous costumes.

And the kids are being trained up knowing an important life lesson per Proverbs 22:6— Piratespeak.

And possibly how to swab the decks if they can’t get the lingo down.

Originally posted 2016-09-19 08:00:03.