The Big Question


There’s a question that sits at the back of minds all around the Western world. It’s far more finite than “Why are we here?” and it’s more universal than “Who should I marry?” It’s talked about in the media, in the news, and in private discussions. It has been asked of great philosophers, presidents, CEOs, and doctors. Every man in America must answer it for himself and every woman has considered the possibilities.

The question is this: Boxers or briefs?

I remember an old bit I heard when the “Redneck Comedian” Jeff Foxworthy was getting popular. He said his mother told him he shouldn’t wear boxers because his balls would be freed and eventually hang down to his knees. The young Jeff failed to see the downside, but it didn’t matter. He reported her predictions weren’t all that accurate.

When I was a little boy, I wore briefs. You know, the simple, plain white Fruit-of-the-Looms that it seemed all little boys wore at that age. Before they started printing cartoon characters and superheroes on them. And using color. Except for the tiny stripes around the waistband. How daring.

Anyway, I made the switch to boxers myself around 10-12, and I stuck with it for years. Well, except for an awkward skimpy underwear phase in high school and my early twenties. Not sure what that was about. However, that season does illustrate how needlessly narrow the scope of the question is. There are, after all, more than two options.

There’s the middle ground, the cleverly named boxer briefs. There are the skimpier options like <a href="“>thongs and g-strings. And as for briefs, that alone is a broad label. Not all are the tighty whities we all grew up in. Many don’t even have fly holes. Bikini briefs come with several varieties, including strings. So if someone answers “briefs” it almost certainly requires a follow-up question in order to gain real clarity. And boxers have options, too, including length, fit, material. There are even compression boxers that look very different than the baggy things most men wear.

Personally, I’m mostly a boxers guy, though I ultimately submit to my wife’s preferences. Currently, she’s into boxer briefs, and she appreciates compression underwear when I work out. But if she ever asks for something else, I’m game. Can’t be anything I haven’t tried before.

Originally posted 2015-05-29 08:00:42.

Photo credit: hey skinny / Foter / CC BY-NC
About Phil (249 Articles)
Philip Osgood is a Christian husband, father, and writer who considers himself a passable video game player, fiction reader, camping and hiking enthusiast, welder, computer guy, and fitness aficionado, though real experts in each field might just die of laughter to hear him claim it. He has been called snarky, cynical, intelligent, eccentric, creative, logical, and Steve for some reason. Phil and his beautiful wife Clara live in Texas with their children in a house with a dog but no white picket fence. He does own a titanium spork from ThinkGeek, though, so he must be alright.

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