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There’s something about a pane of glass.

Growing up, my mom was one of millions of irritated parents that had perpetually dirty prints all over windows and glass doors (or, even better, glass tables). Some of the smudges I created were the inexcusable yet understandable handprints, but many were the ever-oily nose prints — often with still visible nostrils thanks to the childhood fun of pancaking ones face against glass to show a friend how funny it looks.

Who am I kidding? I sometimes did it by myself just for the fun of imagining what I looked like.

What child doesn’t do that?

Well, at least in my case, I appear to have never outgrown the amusement. Instead, as I matured, the notion matured as well.

Now, I enjoy seeing my wife’s body pressed against glass. Whether it’s a nipple pressed flat a la Cable Guy (“Oh, Billy!”), or a teasing moon flat against a car window, it’s always just the right combination of funny and flirty.

Frankly, I want to take it to the next level. Here’s what I’m thinking…

A camera set up on our back porch, aimed at the solid pane of glass that comprises our back door.

She’s stark naked and pressed face-first against the glass.

I’m behind her, doing my thing, while my hands wander, squeezing their way between warm flesh and cold glass.

Then, when it’s all done, we have an interesting and entertaining (not to mention erotic) video to watch. Which totally beats Netflix.

I expect we’ll need some Windex, though. But not until I see if I can find a nostril smudge or two.

Originally posted 2016-03-07 08:00:22.