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It’s Independence Day, a time when we Americans celebrate the founding of this great nation. Regardless of what it’s degenerating into, the United States has been a catalyst for positive change around the world, placing human rights and freedoms into the forefront (once we warmed up to the idea) and protecting them by law like never before. That alone, to me, is cause to celebrate the holiday.

Naturally, it’s one of our #irreverentholidays, too. In fact, we celebrated the holiday irreverently before we even thought to establish irreverent versions of other holidays. The first instance of this dated back to before we had kids, so we’ve had to adjust things since then, being a little sneakier than we used to be, but where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Basically, our little celebration takes the form of me sitting on a sturdy chair on the back porch and my wife sitting on my lap while we watch the fireworks go up around the neighborhood and make our own PDS fireworks in that sturdy chair.

Before kids, this was easy. It was dark outside, and neighbors were distracted, so we simply went out there bottomless and did our thing. Now, it requires a bit of creativity.

The hassle-free option involves an open fly and a short skirt, making this unassuming position look very casual (we go slowly) to oblivious young eyes.

A more flexible option that requires a bit more set up is to have a swimsuits-only day, rife with sprinklers and water guns and such scattered all over the yard (it’s a smart move to soak the yard in the Texas heat with a bunch of incendiaries going up into the air, anyway). We’ll keep on our swimsuits all day, even after the family’s done playing for the afternoon, and then we go back into the yard at night when the fireworks start, and we let the kids play some more. And Mom and Dad sit and… um, watch, of course.

That way, we have a handy excuse to be outside in next to nothing (swimsuits) that can easily be pushed aside to facilitate a little irreverence.

Either way, this isn’t the energetic romp it once was, but rather a slow steady grinding that is far less noticeable yet has its own appeal.

Older kids and their pesky observational fortitude make even a slow grind effectively impossible, but often they’re too cool to come outside and watch fireworks anyway. So that works out rather nicely. Maybe they’ll even go to a friend’s house. And if ever all the kids are doing that… all the more fun for Mom and Dad!

Originally posted 2016-07-04 08:00:52.