Get ready for a pinch.

For our international readers, let me explain a silly tradition we have in many Western cultures. On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone is supposed to wear green. Maybe not fully green head-to-toe like Peter Pan, Link, and other characters who shop at Leprechauns-R-Us. But somewhere, you’re supposed to wear some green.

If someone forgets, then everyone who sees them that day gets to pinch them. If, however, it’s a mistaken pinch — that is, they are in fact wearing green — the green gets presented as proof and the pinchee gets to pinch the pincher twice. At least, that’s how I used to play the game,.

Well, this silly tradition is made even sillier as St. Patrick’s Day joins the cast of #irreverentholidays in the Osgood home.

At the start of the day, my wife and I are given a few moments alone with a Q-tip and a bit of green food coloring. Somewhere on our body, we’ll leave a tiny spot (about the size of a pea) that will later have to be found.

At the end of the day, we each take turns with a timer, letting the other person strip all the clothes off us and hunt for our hidden speckle of green. Once the dot is found, the searcher calls it out and pinches it.

If they’re right, the timer stops and we trade jobs. If they’re wrong, they get pinched back twice (pincher’s choice on location) and have to keep hunting.

Whoever finds the dot in the fastest time wins a reward of some sort. The reward usually involves sex, though, so everyone wins. What a joyous holiday!

Originally posted 2016-03-14 08:00:26.