Time to dust off your old hoops skills. Whether on some secluded blacktop or in your living room with a Nerf ball, you can be sure that your handling skills will be required in this basketball sex game based on the old classic “H-O-R-S-E”.

Setup

First, you’ll need a basketball and a goal. If you don’t have access to a suitably private court, use a foam ball with a rim that attaches to the back of a closed door. You know, the kind every nine-year-old boy loves to slam dunk on.

Second, you’ll need a masturbatory aid for both male (a ring) and female (a vibrator or dildo).

Third, each player may only wear four articles of clothing (apart from shoes and socks, if you’re playing outside and don’t want to go barefoot) that are suitably themed for the game’s athletic nature. Both men and women wear four items (two tops and two bottoms).

Fourth, leave your sensitivity off the court; someone’s gonna get called a pervert.

Otherwise, the game is set up according to traditional rules of H-O-R-S-E. So, no real set up at all.

Duration

The game is played until one player has earned all seven letters of the word “pervert”, making them the loser.

Special Rules

The following special rules supplement traditional gameplay.

• Strip – When a player fails to repeat a made shot and earns a letter per traditional rules, they also lose an article of clothing (if they’re not already naked [or down to shoes and socks, if worn]). The order in which the four articles are removed are as follows:
• Top Outerwear – t-shirt or jersey for men and tank top for women.
• Bottom Outerwear – gym shorts for men and athletic shorts or yoga pants for women.
• Top Underwear – tank top or compression shirt for men and sports bra for women.
• Bottom underwear – compression underwear for men and panties for women.

  The discerning mathematician will note that once you’re a P-E-R-V, you’re stark naked even though you still have three letters to lose.

• Get in Touch – As you earn letters, you must perform certain perverted acts. Don’t miss!
• P – rub your chest while shooting.
• P-E – keep one hand in your underwear continually.
• P-E-R – rub your genitals continually, through your underwear.
• P-E-R-V – manually masturbate while shooting.
• P-E-R-V-E – manually rub yourself continually.
• P-E-R-V-E-R – step it up, using a masturbatory aid between shots, and wearing/holding it in place while shooting.
• P-E-R-V-E-R-T – you lose; you must simultaneously (with aids) masturbate both until orgasm, and you cannot stop either until you both get there.
• Ladies First – Women have too long been neglected by this label, rarely being called perverts like men. This is her chance to keep her gender’s name clear. After a few warm up shots for each player, ladies first.