Get your sweat on and get your groove on, too! And while you rest for your next interval, you can have some fun playing Mario Kart. This Mario Kart sex game will have you burning calories and heating up other things in no time. Who said video games are for lazy people?
Each player wears their typical exercise attire, including all appropriate underwear. Options might include yoga pants, sports bras, and compression tanks for women, and gym shorts, compression shirts, and athletic underwear for men. Each player should also have plenty of water; this will involve sweat, and dehydration is bad.
You’ll need a timer, a TV, and a Mario Kart game, to be played in a large area that allows the players plenty of mobility. The game can be set up in Race or Battle mode.
After the game is over, you’ll also need a shower, a bathtub, a stove, a large pot, a large towel (beach towels work well), and some lotion.
You will play three sets of four rounds each, and exercises will be done between each round and set. Afterward, rewards for winning last thirty minutes and penalties for losing take four hours. For the most part, though, the exercise portion will take a good hour or more.
The following special rules supplement traditional gameplay.
- Keep Moving – While playing a round, players must walk in place. If a player catches their opponent standing still, they can demand that the opponent remove an article.
- Going Green – If a player hits a player (not a computer-controlled racer) with a green turtle shell, the hit player must immediately remove an article. Better move fast, though. The computer players will still be gunning for you.
- Per Round Winner – After each round, the winning player may put on one article removed during the round they just won. They may not put on articles removed during previous rounds.
- Per Round Loser – After each round, the loser must remove an article of clothing. Two shoes count as a single article, but other articles are counted individually. Don’t worry; if you win this set, you can get your lost articles back.
Per-Round Activity – After the completion of a round and its subsequent attire changes, each player must perform an activity based on what place they finish in. The amount of activity depends on the round number within the set (so round four will have 4 times the activity of round one), shown as R below.
1st Place – Walk in place until the other player finishes their activity.
- 2nd Place – Do 20 x R jumping jacks.
- 3rd Place – Do a forward (face-down) plank for 30 x R seconds.
- 4th Place – Do 4 x R lunges on each leg
- 5th Place – Do 5 x R push-ups
- 6th Place – Do 6 x R body squats
- 7th Place – Do 7 x R “Tyson” push-ups
8th Place – Do 8 x R push-up burpees
If needed, a player may take a break during their activity, but they must complete the activity before the next round can begin.
Per Set Sweat – Before each set of four rounds, the players perform an agreed-upon cardio activity for five minutes straight. This may be as simple as jogging in place or as elaborate as an intensive cardio dance routine. You know your own fitness levels, so use proper judgment. Whatever it is, the players will need to be able to perform the activity and get their heart rate up without burning out entirely.
- Per Set Winner – After four rounds of both gameplay and per-round activity, the winner of that set may sit and rest, relaxing and watching the loser stretch. If they had removed any clothing during the rounds of the set they just won, they may put it back on.
- Per Set Loser – After four rounds of both gameplay and per-round activity, the loser of that set must now forfeit all clothing they removed in the set they just lost. They will not regain these articles, even if they win the next set. Now, they must perform four sun salutations (a series of yoga positions). The winner decides the tempo, telling the loser when to change from position to position. They should take time to enjoy the view.
- Overall Winner – Whoever wins two out of three sets gets to soak in a steamy bath for thirty minutes and then have their whole body get dried and lotioned. Furthermore, while the loser wears a towel for the next four hours, the winner may pull it off at any time for fun.
- Overall Lower – Whoever loses two out of three sets gets a two-minute shower and after drying off must wear only a towel for the next four hours. If the winner pulls off the loser’s towel, they must not hurry to put it back on. During the winner’s bath, the loser must continually heat water in a large pot on the stove to add to the hot bath, keeping it comfortably steamy for the whole thirty minutes. After the winner’s bath, the loser must dry the winner off and then give them a full body lotioning, saturating every square inch at least twice. Warning: this will go through a lot of lotion.