All is fair in love and war. And this Battleship sex game. Just keep telling yourself that as you try to take off your shirt seductively while the pants around your ankles restrict your movements to sexy penguin waddles. Don’t worry; your turn is next.
Note, this game can be played without alcohol, but it is designed with alcohol in mind. If you are opposed to the consumption of liquor, you may want to make some modifications to the game’s rules.
The playing area should be small enough to allow both players the ability to hear each other’s calls and see each other clearly. However, it also needs to be large enough to:
- Provide a “neutral area” between the players with sufficient room for both players to move about freely;
- Have a place in the neutral area for the pouring and drinking of shots; and
- Offer sufficient privacy for game boards.
Each player is required to wear a specific arrangement of clothing depending on their gender. Male players should wear a shirt, an undershirt, pants (or shorts), a belt, boxers (or briefs), socks, and shoes, comprising a total of nine articles when counting shoes and socks independently. Female players should wear a shirt, a camisole (or tank top), a bra, a skirt, two pairs of panties (one broadly-covering pair like hot pants and a skimpier pair like a thong or g-string underneath), socks (or tights), and shoes, comprising a total of ten articles when counting shoes and socks independently. Optionally, females may opt to wear a garter belt in lieu of the broader pair of panties.
Other clothing may be worn, but such articles should be discarded as you play in keeping with the spirit of the game.
Both players are permitted to use a blanket (or sheet) to cover themselves for warmth or modesty at the game’s onset, but they may lose this privilege during the course of the game. This covering must be removed during actions in the neutral area.
The game is set up according to traditional rules, with each player placing their five ships. Ladies shoot first.
The game is played until one player has sunk all of the other player’s ships according to traditional gameplay.
The following special rules supplement traditional gameplay.
- Ship Hits – When a player hits their opponent’s ship, the opponent’s gender and the type of ship that was hit will determine what supplementary action will take place.
For the most part, the actions are roughly parallel for each gender’s side. The 5-hit Carrier focuses on removing bottoms while the 3-hit Frigate removes tops. The 4-hit Battleship handles shoes and socks (or tights). The 3-hit Submarine focuses on liquids, naturally, and the ever-elusive 2-hit Destroyer has its own special twists.
Each action is executed in the sequence indicated in the following chart.
|Ship||Hits||When Male is Hit||When Female is Hit|
|Carrier||5||belt, _kiss shot_, pants, _kiss shot_, boxers||Skirt, _kiss shot_, panties, _kiss shot_, panties|
|Battleship||4||left shoe, right shoe, left sock, right sock||left shoe, right shoe, left sock, right sock|
|Submarine||3||_shot_, _shot_, _shot_||_shot_, _shot_, _shot_|
|Frigate||3||shirt, _coin toss_, undershirt||shirt, camisole, bra|
|Destroyer||2||_strip covering_, _body shot_||_strip covering_, _body shot_|
- Shot – When a player’s Submarine is hit or another hit requires some kind of short, the player whose ship was hit must drink a shot poured by the other player. The shot must be poured and drunk in the neutral area.
- Kiss Shot – A kiss shot is a shot taken from the mouth of another person by means of a kiss. So, if the female has just hit the male’s Carrier, she pours a shot for him, takes his shot into her mouth without swallowing, and kisses him, passing the shot into his mouth for him to swallow. During kiss shots, no touching is permitted below the neck.
- Body Shot – A body shot is taken by the player who’s Destroyer was just sunk, but it is taken from their opponent’s body. The drinker may specify the position the opponent is to assume as well as the location from which the shot is to be taken. However, no clothing may be removed to accommodate the desired body shot. As with other shots, the body shot will be performed in the neutral area, so no blankets are permitted.
- Coin Toss – A coin toss is a variable shot arrangement to compensate for the additional garment worn by females (the bra). A coin is flipped, and the result determines who gets the shot:
- Heads – the male drinks two shots
- Tails – the female drinks one shot (it’s not her fault she has cause to wear a bra and guys don’t)
- Strip Covering – Strip covering indicates the loss of the right to a blanket affects the rest of the game. Once the player’s blanket right has been forfeited, all further clothing removal by that player ceases to be performed “in a casual manner”. Instead, all must be done in a sensual striptease manner (even with a shoe) that lasts at least 30 seconds. Music is optional.* **Strip Rules – **In general, clothing is removed while in plain view within the neutral area in a casual manner. Once the Destroyer has been hit, clothing is still removed in plain view within the neutral area, but the process becomes a striptease.
- Shoes – While shoes remain on, bottoms cannot be completely removed. This can result in a wad of clothing awkwardly binding the ankles of a player whose Carrier sinks before their Battleship is hit. This can also make your post-Destroyer-hit stripteases cumbersome. You have two options: reveal your Battleship’s location to your opponent, or just make the best of it.
- Blanket-free Zone – Blankets (or sheets) are not permitted in the neutral area.
- Conquered – When the game is concluded, the winner may get dressed, but the loser must remain completely naked for the remainder of the day. In addition, for the thirty minutes immediately following the conclusion of the game, the loser must act as a slave to the winner, performing any and all commands.